shouganai

2/2/10 room, evening- I did homework forever last night, with shower time breaking the tedium for a little while, until midnight. I wanted so much to do more work to get ahead but there was just no keeping my eyes open. I am beginning to feel the intensity of these “intensive” courses. :/

This morning I woke up to my host mom calling to me that breakfast was ready. Crap. I had turned off my alarms unconsciously and fell back asleep. I went down to eat in my jammies and bathrobe apologizing to my host mom. She asked if I was feeling alright and I wanted to say that I feel fine, I just suck at life. But instead I said I was just tired. She said she would drive me to the train station so I could have extra time to get ready. She is so amazing.

Commute and class were fairly uneventful. Well, I did lose Kai san briefly getting off the subway but that’s happened before. She teases me saying I walk so fast and my legs are so long that sometimes she gets trapped behind people and loses me. I always feel bad about this… I have developed the habit of looking around and behind me every so often to make sure she is still there.

One sort of amusing thing happened in class, now that I think about it. I was talking to Fletcher san about how I was trying to keep myself from using feminine Japanese speech patterns. There are male speech patterns and female speech patterns in Japan (and of course neutral ones). My host mom (like most older generation Japanese) speaks with very strong speech patterns attached to her gender. Since I talk and listen to her everyday I have been trying to guard against picking up any of the gendered speech by accident. In class today we were studying these different patterns and I realized that I had been using a female speech pattern that I had picked up from my host mom. I mentally noted the neutral version and inwardly vowed to correct this aberration.

Anyway I was explaining this to Fletcher san and he said if I wanted to find a Japanese boyfriend I should use “girl” language b/c Japanese guys only like those kinds of girls. I laughed right in his face at that one and assured him I was not trying to snag a Japanese boyfriend or any other kind for that matter. I love how he ASSUMED that 1) I want a boyfriend and that 2) I would actually change my behavior and personality to get one based on such a shallow criterion. Fletcher san is a good guy and he was probably only half serious but it always astounds me when people think this way.

After class I ate lunch with Nia, Erin, Leigh, Jayla, and Maria. Then it was time for translation class. I find translation challenging because you can never get it to be EXACTLY the same meaning and connotation. Today I caught myself thinking a Japanese phrase to myself, which means something like “it can’t be helped” or “there’s nothing you can do about it”. But saying either of those things simply doesn't feel as satisfying as saying “Shouganai”.

I left campus a little after 3 o’clock and arrived back at the house at 4:35. After snack and chat with my host mom, I did pilates and checked email. After this entry I am going to offer to help my host mom with dinner. I’ll try to write another entry later tonight but I wonder if they’ve gotten a little boring… (17:49)