2/2/10 room, night- I just finished homework. DX Dinner was good and afterwards I was doing homework at the kitchen table and my host mom brought out an intricate and expensive looking kimono. She showed it to me and had me try it on and everything. She said I could wear it the next time we do something fancy. I know I have washed my hands of dressing up but you have to make an exception when it comes to such cultural experiences right? Then she showed me photos of her daughters wearing it and pictures of one of the daughters’ wedding. It wasn’t Megumi san’s wedding (the daughter I have met), it was the other daughter’s ceremony pictures. It was all very nice…until it got awkward.
My host mom started talking about MY wedding day. I was like RED LIGHT RED LIGHT RED LIGHT!! She wanted to know when I wanted to get married. I don’t know whether she forgot that I already answered “no” to the boyfriend existence question or if she thought I have like a goal age range in mind or something but I just made a sort of noncommittal, half-choked noise. I understand that, in Japan, you get married; it’s just what you do. I get that, in Japan, such questions are not considered rude or prying; they are typical ways of making small talk. I realize the country has a “get married, have babies, raise babies, get grandkids” mindset. But even knowing all this I still didn’t like it that once again an assumption about me was being made. First Fletcher san (see previous entry) and now this, and in the same day!!! >:(
I was careful not to be annoyed with my host mom. I just pretended to be a dumb gaijin (foreigner) who didn’t understand what she was saying. That’s what you do when you don’t want to or don’t know how to answer. I did it in France. All the other students do it. We pretend we don’t understand sometimes, to buy time, to stall, to avoid speaking about something altogether. But usually we do understand. We understand more than they think. It sounds dishonest I guess. Really, it’s more like a defense mechanism. I could not explain why the topic of marriage was absolutely off limits for me. So the “stupid gaijin” shield went up. Judge me if you want.
I was able to eventually get back to homework and soon it was shower time. I’ve been doing homework since. I am pretty exhausted from a day of ducking the stupid gender stereotypes and expectations that I hate so very much. Time for sleep. (23:42)
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