Gambalimasu

01/22/10 room, night- this morning I got up 15 minutes before breakfast at 6:30. I put on my clothes and went down to eat. At 7:20 I left for the bus stop. Today, like yesterday I spent my time in the bus, train, and subway car studying. I felt so efficient!! A friend of mine once told me that efficiency is the key to being a student. It does feel good. J I ate lunch at the curry house on campus with some fellow IES students. My host mom didn’t have anything to pack me today and I have been meaning to try curry. I gotta say, I wasn’t raving about it. I was hungry so I ate it all and finished Leigh san’s but I liked the chicken and rice the best and could have left the curry sauce part of it. I suspect it wasn’t the highest quality curry in the world so I might give it one more go at some other place. I had religions class at 1:30. I LOVE that class! And it isn’t just b/c it is my only class that is taught in English! No really, there are other reasons.

Speaking of that, I went to the CJS building after religions class and found out my academic advisor doesn't have office hours on Friday but I can email him and English is fine so I will be doing that. I will ask him if I can realistically do well in my history of tea ceremony class. I think he is going to tell me that it’s my call, which I hate. Once I got past middle school adults started telling me I had to decide things all of a sudden. Well I am still not used to that and I wish someone would just tell me what to do sometimes. Alas, the adults in my life don’t have those answers. I get all neurotic when I have to make a big decision. Typically I will just stay in my current situation to avoid making a judgment call. I don’t trust my own judgment on a lot of things. Sometimes I will stand in one spot for a long time and agonize over a really small problem. I hate this about myself. I wanna change.

I went to the café on campus that CJS recommended I ask for a job. They will be closing soon for 3 months due to the Japanese academic calendar so I can’t work there. Gotta keep trying. Getting my job at the library at the U of R was so easy. But now nothing is easy. Eating isn't, bathing isn't, speaking isn't... reading is impossible. I hate that I can't read. But the worst is that I can't express my thoughts fully anymore. The writing around me makes little sense, the words I hear are too fast to mean anything, and my vocabulary is too small to convey the depth of my thoughts and feelings. It is like being blind, deaf, and dumb. So difficult and yet, I am still happy. I don't have the slightest regret. Gambalimasu (I will do my best.)

I left campus then and got home just before dark. My host mom served tea and pastry!!! Then I checked email and then looked at LoveCom stuff online (b/c I miss it. :( it made me laugh so hard!). then it was dinner time and then my host mom and I talked and had fun looking at kanji for a while. I had shower time and now I am here writing this. Egad, is that the present again? So excited to sleep. (22:08)